At the risk
of sounding trite, I make the suggestion that the most powerful force is Love.
But what kind of love?
I might say
that I love rhubarb pie and hate turnips. That’s one kind of love, but not the
kind I mean. And, by the way, I think that is the kind of love and hate that
the Bible means when we read there of God loving one person or type of person
and hating another: it refers to being fond of something versus disliking
something. It is possible to love
someone, but to dislike them at the same time, meaning you don’t like how they
behave or the effect they have.
There is the
kind of love that is associated with what some call the love bank. The concept is this: each time I have a positive
experience with you, a deposit is made into the love account I keep for you in
the Love Bank. When my experience has not been a happy one, a withdrawal is
made from that account. The bigger the balance in that account, the more I love
you.
There is
also the love that manifests as affection….it’s a feeling. Of course another
feeling type of love is romantic love and its close companion, erotic love.
But there is
a love that transcends all those others. It is not a feeling so much as a
decision. It is of the head more than of the heart. It is the love that cares
about someone, affirms them, accepts them, takes responsibility for them, and wants
to learn all about them so that the caring and taking responsibility can be
beneficial to them. It is the love that seeks the other’s highest good. And it
is a love that never fails because it is unconditional.
No matter
what happens, that love keeps on. Look,
if I love you only if you behave a certain way or have a certain effect on me,
that love is tantamount to a business transaction. It’s not love in the way I
am now using the word. If I love you, then no matter what you say or what you
do or fail to do, I will still love you. You cannot do anything to lose that
love, nor can you do anything to earn it. It is outside of your influence. This
is the love that provides security.
This means
that I must love everybody. If I don’t, then my love is conditional, isn’t it?
If I love you, but not your neighbor, then as soon as I think you have become like your
neighbor, I won’t love you. That makes my love conditional, and now we are back
to the business transaction model.
Love, we
see, is 360o: it extends to everyone. It is an attitude of acceptance and caring that is not affected by anything
outside of itself.
Now, since
love is unconditional, which means it must be extended to everyone, it also means
that if I love you, I must love myself too. If I do not love myself, I cannot
love you. This is the love that Erich Fromm described in his book The Art of Loving. It is the love that
William Glasser (see Reality Therapy)
taught is a hard-wired fundamental need: we all need to love and to be loved
and valued. That is our fundamental psychological imperative. Without that
love, we are very insecure.
Because we
need love, we need God, for, as the Bible teaches, “God is love.” God = Love.
God, by definition, is all-powerful, and that means that Love is the most
powerful force there is.
Hi Gordon, interesting post.
ReplyDeleteI have a question about your thoughts on unconditional love. You say that "If I love you, then no matter what you say or what you do or fail to do, I will still love you." But doesn't that sound almost unhealthy? You later state that one must love themselves in order to love others. What if the person that you're supposed to love unconditionally, is making it harder and harder to love yourself? In short, do you think that it's ever smart to sacrifice love for yourself, in order to love another?
Hello Anonymous. No, unconditional love does NOT sound "almost unhealthy" to me; it sounds strong, secure, entirely healthy, and congruent with happiness. I think though that there is more to your thoughts than you expressed. Can you explain why you think that it may be unhealthy?
ReplyDeleteYour last comments are intriguing, but are too vague for me to properly address. Please elaborate. Give me an example of such a situation even if you have to make it up. Are you talking about loving someone who demeans you? And No, you CANNOT stop loving yourself and still love another. That "love" would be conditional. As soon as the other person became like you perceive yourself to be, you would stop loving them too.
But there is more to it than that. If you don't love yourself, you will find it very difficult to recognize and accept real love extended to you by other people. And the consequence of that is that you won't be able to love. Anyone that loves in the way I mean the term does it because they were first loved. It's a Bible principle (see I John 4:19). If the person you love does not love themselves, they will not be able to love you back. BUT if you consistently love them and do not let up in that attitude, I think they will eventually be able to love themselves and then start loving you too, even though you may first have many sorrows on their account.
I would be happy to hear more from you about this topic or any other.