The Echo of Astrology

I have never been enamored with astrology. To me it seems that astrologers randomly generalize observations that can apply to everyone no matter when they were born. Yet I am aware that we do not exist in a vacuum. Nay, we are in a universe where apparently what happens to a particle here can affect an outcome great distances away. I think there no longer needs to be a question about whether the moon has an effect on events on earth. Law enforcement agencies are familiar with variability of some crime frequencies with the phases of the moon. Some farmers are familiar with the maxims of timing some farming functions, such as planting certain crops, with moon phases.

If the moon affects the ocean tides, does it affect you who 60% water? It seems to me that perhaps larger astrological bodies may exert some sort of effect, albeit across great distances. Quantum physics studies have shown that distance is irrelevant in the sharing of effects between some particles. So, does this mean that astrologers have the low-down on you? HIGHLY unlikely. Yet, maybe one day there will be a field of science that has discovered how astronomical bodies affect us.  I wonder if it one time existed and that the knowledge was lost through a major cataclysm and that astrology is the echo of that distant past…..Maybe one day we’ll know. In the meantime, here is an astrological reading that seems to me to be more useful than most.

Aquarius - January 20 to February 18.

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand you tend to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes again and again. People think you are stupid.

 Pisces - February 19 to March 20.

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the RCMP or CSIS. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.

Aries - March 21 to April 19

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of people. You are not very nice.

Taurus - April 20 to May 20.

You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like a bull. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. Taurus people have B.O. and fart a lot.

Gemini - May 21 to June 20.

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you think you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much from too little. This means you are cheap.

Cancer - June 21 to July 22.

You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are Cancer.

Leo - July 23 to August 22.

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.

Virgo - August 23 to September 22.

You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit picking is sickening your friends. You are cold, unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.

Libra - September 23 to October 22.

You are the artistic type and have difficulty with reality. Chances of monetary gain are excellent. If you are a man, you are probably gay. Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are prostitutes. All Libras die of STDs.

Scorpio - October 23 to November 21.

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.

Sagittarius - November 22 to December 21.

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People laugh at you a great deal.

 Capricorn - December 23 to January 19.

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should avoid standing still too long as a dog might think you are a tree and piss on you.